Archive for the ‘ Blog ’ Category

Pickup Lines That DONT Work


Do you know that really hot girl that you swear your in love with? Ya that’s the one. Despite that “love” you never seem to be able to talk normally around her. Well I can’t help you much with that. What I can do is tell you what NOT to say.

#1 Starwars

It takes a special girl to appreciate starwars. You’ll want to stay away from this subject until you get to know her.

•Examples

“Hey do you want to come back to my starship and I can show you my light saber?”

“I may look like an Ewok, but I’m all Wookie where it counts”

“Honey, you’ve Been looking for love in Alderron places!”

#2 Math

It’s not funny or cute. It’s just sad, Math lines are probably the worst of the worst. These examples are seriously the funniest I could find. (their not)

•Examples

“I’m not being obtuse but your acute girl”

“You are the solution to my homogeneous system of linear equations” (sexy?)

“Honey, Your sweeter that pie”

#3 WoW (World of Warcraft)

Aw, The MMO. When I was looking for inspiration for this post I did a little searching for mmo lines. Do you know what I found? These were a lot more…graphic. Here are 3 examples that aren’t so bad. If you want to know what I’m talking about just do a little googling and you’ll figure it out.

•Examples

“Are you a vendor? Because I’d like to browse your goods”

“Wanna Grind”

“Ive heard that your an epic mount”

#4 Computer Geeks

Gigabytes and Ram just aren’t sexy. The good news is if you ever use one of these lines she probably won’t even know what your talking about.

•Examples

“Your beauty rivals the graphics of Doom 3”

“Isnt your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com”

“Want to see my HARD disk? I promise it isn’t 3.5 inches and it ain’t floppy”

Surviving a Horror Movie

Zombieland Has nothing to do with this article. Other than its awesome and you should go see it

You and a group of friends head off on a simple camping trip, Just wanting a relaxing vacation of drinking until you pass out and any other *ahem* “relaxing activities” you can think of. But then your drunk buddy gets the genius idea to go exploring. So now your friends start disappearing and I’m sure you can fill in the blanks.

Right before getting sliced to bits you ask yourself, “What could I have don’t to stop this?”. Well, let’s look at the do’s and don’ts of classic horror situations.

•Do NOT Piss Off the Hitch Hikers!

Seriously, Pissing off a strange person/couple that are walking down a secluded road can never end well. Let’s say it’s a couple. They will always catch up with you. The fact that they have no car doesn’t matter. You will meet up with them. Probably right after someone disappeared.

• No Sex

I know what your thinking,”Whaa? No sex? But this is vacation!” That’s true but let’s face it. As soon as you get started your either going to hear a weird noise or one of your friends is going to disappear. That brings me to the next point…

• Never Investigate “The Noise”

“Did you hear that?” The girl/guy your with is probably going to say that, There really isn’t a good answer to this question. No matter what you say. Do NOT Investigate. If you do you will either watch one of your friends being brutally murdered or be the one getting brutally murdered. Both of which kind of put a damper on the whole “fun” vacation.

• Escaping

By now you have seen the killer and everyone but you and whoever was the closest person to you, has been killed. So how do you escape? The most obvious way is to get in your car and leave. But what kind of Psycho Murderer would leave your vehicles unharmed? Your car either can’t start or has been used in some type of unique murder. This leaves you with having to steal the murders Vehicle(Usually a truck). In order to get his/it’s truck you will have to either kill or distract him. Clearly there will be many ways to do this. I’ll just skip over this part for now.

• Leaving Forever

Great job killing that Psycho! You got that gun that was just lying around by his truck and put a clip of bullets in him. Now you two lucky survivers are driving to get help for that big gash one of you got in your arm when fighting off the killer. It’s so nice and quiet, your probably thinking “Thank god we got away from that horrible place.” But wait! What is that in front of you? The killer appears in the middle of the road and you swerve into a tree trying to…(NOT hit him?). Your friend/significant other gets knocked out and you now have to kill that Mother F***er AGAIN! *Sigh* You struggle to get his knife from him and end up stabbing him through the heart. (why didn’t you do this before?) Finally your done, You wake up your friend that suddenly opens his/her eyes to the sound of your voice(but couldn’t hear you fighting) and you start walking down the road as the Police show up right when everything is done. Who called them? Why did they take so long? Hey, I’m just here to help you survive. Your welcome.

Avatar=Suicide?

I finally went to see Avatar this past weekend and when I got out of the theater there were a lot of things that went through my mind. Things like, “wow those were great effects” and “Why would a fat man go to the movies without a shower and THEN practically lean on me the entire movie?”. Did I mention that the theater was overbooked so we had to sit right beside total strangers? I just got lucky with the smelly big guy. Back to my original point. Do you know what I DIDN’T think about after the movie? ,”Wow, That movie(about blue aliens) was so cool that I should kill myself. Because my life will never be that great.”

When I first heard that some people were having that reaction I, like most of you probably did, thought that it must be a joke. Something you might see on The Onion or Fox (You know the fake news stations). However, after looking it up I found that it came from CNN. Now…If your life sucks so much that you wish you could go to another planet and get involved in a Smurf war. Well…You probably shouldn’t be able to go see public movies, or even the public. Your ass should be locked up before you start killing little kids toys because they “looked at you funny”. Seriously, The reason people watch movies is because they aren’t real. An escape from reality as some would say.

This wasn’t a real review of the movie but I would recommend going to see it in the theater. Watching on a TV just won’t be the same.