Surviving a Horror Movie

Zombieland Has nothing to do with this article. Other than its awesome and you should go see it

You and a group of friends head off on a simple camping trip, Just wanting a relaxing vacation of drinking until you pass out and any other *ahem* “relaxing activities” you can think of. But then your drunk buddy gets the genius idea to go exploring. So now your friends start disappearing and I’m sure you can fill in the blanks.

Right before getting sliced to bits you ask yourself, “What could I have don’t to stop this?”. Well, let’s look at the do’s and don’ts of classic horror situations.

•Do NOT Piss Off the Hitch Hikers!

Seriously, Pissing off a strange person/couple that are walking down a secluded road can never end well. Let’s say it’s a couple. They will always catch up with you. The fact that they have no car doesn’t matter. You will meet up with them. Probably right after someone disappeared.

• No Sex

I know what your thinking,”Whaa? No sex? But this is vacation!” That’s true but let’s face it. As soon as you get started your either going to hear a weird noise or one of your friends is going to disappear. That brings me to the next point…

• Never Investigate “The Noise”

“Did you hear that?” The girl/guy your with is probably going to say that, There really isn’t a good answer to this question. No matter what you say. Do NOT Investigate. If you do you will either watch one of your friends being brutally murdered or be the one getting brutally murdered. Both of which kind of put a damper on the whole “fun” vacation.

• Escaping

By now you have seen the killer and everyone but you and whoever was the closest person to you, has been killed. So how do you escape? The most obvious way is to get in your car and leave. But what kind of Psycho Murderer would leave your vehicles unharmed? Your car either can’t start or has been used in some type of unique murder. This leaves you with having to steal the murders Vehicle(Usually a truck). In order to get his/it’s truck you will have to either kill or distract him. Clearly there will be many ways to do this. I’ll just skip over this part for now.

• Leaving Forever

Great job killing that Psycho! You got that gun that was just lying around by his truck and put a clip of bullets in him. Now you two lucky survivers are driving to get help for that big gash one of you got in your arm when fighting off the killer. It’s so nice and quiet, your probably thinking “Thank god we got away from that horrible place.” But wait! What is that in front of you? The killer appears in the middle of the road and you swerve into a tree trying to…(NOT hit him?). Your friend/significant other gets knocked out and you now have to kill that Mother F***er AGAIN! *Sigh* You struggle to get his knife from him and end up stabbing him through the heart. (why didn’t you do this before?) Finally your done, You wake up your friend that suddenly opens his/her eyes to the sound of your voice(but couldn’t hear you fighting) and you start walking down the road as the Police show up right when everything is done. Who called them? Why did they take so long? Hey, I’m just here to help you survive. Your welcome.

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  1. lol it ain’t that bad :D. Zombieland was kind of boring tho. But the surviving list is great and true 🙂

    • Thanks, But you didn’t like zombieland? I loved that movie =P

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